Missing Someone? Logotherapy Can Help!

When we miss someone, it is very much a natural reaction to the loss of a person who enriched our lives in a deeply meaningful way. We may have known that person for a short period of time, or a lifetime, the emotions we feel can be just as challenging. Indeed, there is no linear relationship between time and emotional response, therefore it is impossible to predict exactly how we will react.

What we can say however, is that to love someone means that we will undoubtably miss them when they are no longer in our lives. What we miss is deeply personal: it might be the sound of their voice, the way they light up a room, or the striking depth of their personality. It might be so much more than that, and it is often the case that we may struggle to articulate it, at least in the beginning.  Also, much of our emotional lives operate at the unconscious level, that is we are largely unaware of their contours until they are brought to consciousness. When they are, this can represent the most painful of moments; the maelstrom of emotions can be overwhelming.

I remember, many tears ago I was reading ‘Letters to Milena’ by Franz Kafka, and was struck by the power of his words: ‘I miss you deeply, unfathomably, senselessly, terribly’. In those few words, Kafka encapsulates the profundity of love and the pain of absence. His emotional depth and maturity could hardly have been expressed more cogently.

So, how do we cope with missing someone? There are no hard and fast rules. We may have been bereaved, rejected, or separated by distance. That is why in Logotherapy & Existential Analysis I work with my clients to best understand the context and depth of their experience.

The starting point though is to take time to reflect on the words of Viktor Frankl: ‘The more one forgets himself – by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love – the more human he is.’ We are therefore to feel what we feel – to acknowledge our pain, but not to give it the last word. In Logotherapy we find meaning in devoting ourselves to a cause important to us, whether that be by volunteering or working in an area we are passionate about. Or we can devote ourselves to another person, transcending the one we miss, or depending on the circumstances, being open to the possibility that the person may re-enter our lives in a different way.

Should you have any queries on this topic, please do get in touch via the contact form. I will happily answer any of your questions. You may also want to take advantage of a free initial appointment where we can discuss your specific situation and what you would like to achieve via therapy.

Take care,

Scott

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